It's the moment when you realize that you have finally achieved lifetime goals that will put a true smile on your face. I grew up a little more today. The crazy thing is that I am okay to say that, too. I think its a successful day when you better yourself. I feel like God has really been pushing me these days. I feel like he's pushing me to find the positive in things and to boast people around me to bring a better morale. Upon a good personal day, I realized my students really enjoy anything we can do for them. They do not see the little things that don't go as planned because they are kids. We are worst critics. I'm learning in my years that my perfection has been a drag, but I think I'm going to put a spin on it and make it for the positive.
Teaching has been a process in which I have grown with it as well. I only can hope that this time next year I can say all these great things as well!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
A bittersweet tear...
Tonight I shed a bittersweet tear as I remember the night my first son was born and thinking to myself how much his life meant to me. I looked past those beautiful long eye lashes into the big bold eyes looking at me and imagined his future. The future that I held in my arms. The body I was going to be able to mold. The traditions and routine's I would form. He became my body and soul. He changed me in an instant. I remember the rush of anxiety I felt moments before he was delivered. A feeling of not being sure of what it all meant to be a mother. I didn't know if I would be able to do it or if I would fall on my face.
I knew all the logistics - bottles, diapers, pacifiers, late nights, crying, cleaning, and baths. I didn't know, however, how I was going to know how to love a baby the way everyone said I would. I was 21 years old, some say I was a baby. I am much older than my time. I had the baby things down as I had 4 nieces and nephews I helped raise. No matter how much you think you have figured out, you never will be prepared enough for what that first cry will do.
Jacob had an unusual entrance into the world. I went from worried about his hair color and skin color to a frenzy about his ability to scream. Not too long into delivery the doctor grew worried. Jacob had his umbilical cord wrap around his wrist, which meant he was not getting enough oxygen. In a matter of seconds he was ripped from my body and rushed to table. The doctor was ordering the nurses - or shall I say screaming orders. She had my baby in her hands, who I had not seen, and had not yet heard cry - yet. Now everyone knows all is good when the baby is crying, but no one prepares you for the not crying baby. I grew in panic instantly. Screaming for them to tell me what was wrong with my baby. I was ignored, of course, as I should have been since they were working on my child. The few minutes I was watching and waiting felt like an eternity and nothing else mattered. Nevertheless, my baby's cry didn't make me a mother I was a mother far before his delivery and never even realized it. The moment he cried I began to ball worse than he was. A crying contest that I was bound to lose, but one I was happy to have.
Tears with children happen all throughout the life journey. The tears that fall the first few weeks after child birth when nothing you do feels right and you are so tired and exhausted you know not what to do. The tears of the first time they are sick and you can't take away their pain. The tears the first time they get their feelings hurt because of someone else. The tears of their first scrape from a bike fall. The tears you share together because you both are upset together. The tears of a mother when she realizes her boy is no longer a toddler, but a child. The moment you realize they are in the real world and going to have to make some memories on their own. The tears of hope that you have raised them right and instilled Godly words and praises that will cause them to reflect upon their choices.
A women knows nothing before childbirth. A child's love is like no other. A love you cannot part with; a love you cannot explain; a love you will never forget. a Love I will cherish forever.
I knew all the logistics - bottles, diapers, pacifiers, late nights, crying, cleaning, and baths. I didn't know, however, how I was going to know how to love a baby the way everyone said I would. I was 21 years old, some say I was a baby. I am much older than my time. I had the baby things down as I had 4 nieces and nephews I helped raise. No matter how much you think you have figured out, you never will be prepared enough for what that first cry will do.
Jacob had an unusual entrance into the world. I went from worried about his hair color and skin color to a frenzy about his ability to scream. Not too long into delivery the doctor grew worried. Jacob had his umbilical cord wrap around his wrist, which meant he was not getting enough oxygen. In a matter of seconds he was ripped from my body and rushed to table. The doctor was ordering the nurses - or shall I say screaming orders. She had my baby in her hands, who I had not seen, and had not yet heard cry - yet. Now everyone knows all is good when the baby is crying, but no one prepares you for the not crying baby. I grew in panic instantly. Screaming for them to tell me what was wrong with my baby. I was ignored, of course, as I should have been since they were working on my child. The few minutes I was watching and waiting felt like an eternity and nothing else mattered. Nevertheless, my baby's cry didn't make me a mother I was a mother far before his delivery and never even realized it. The moment he cried I began to ball worse than he was. A crying contest that I was bound to lose, but one I was happy to have.
Tears with children happen all throughout the life journey. The tears that fall the first few weeks after child birth when nothing you do feels right and you are so tired and exhausted you know not what to do. The tears of the first time they are sick and you can't take away their pain. The tears the first time they get their feelings hurt because of someone else. The tears of their first scrape from a bike fall. The tears you share together because you both are upset together. The tears of a mother when she realizes her boy is no longer a toddler, but a child. The moment you realize they are in the real world and going to have to make some memories on their own. The tears of hope that you have raised them right and instilled Godly words and praises that will cause them to reflect upon their choices.
A women knows nothing before childbirth. A child's love is like no other. A love you cannot part with; a love you cannot explain; a love you will never forget. a Love I will cherish forever.
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